12/29/08
Snuzz Factor: +10
2008 got you down? You’ll be happy to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel–2009 is just a few days away!
12/22/08
Snuzz Factor: +4
This holiday season, it’s important for us guys to do our best to stay out of the doghouse when it comes to giving our lady friends gifts that are “not very romantic.” While I, for one, have never met a suitcase that I didn’t like, there are certainly women out there who might not really appreciate the Samsonite Graviton 31in. Spinner Upright. I know, I know. That is hard to believe:
But if you want to avoid being put in the doghouse this Christmas, there’s still time to return that coffee maker, the external hard drive and that soldering kit and get something that will score points. This JC Penney ad wants it to be diamonds, but I think that’s a little extravagant considering this little recession we are in.
Anyhow, this ad is very funny and is worth watching. The Penneys are making it hard for me to embed it, so you have to watch it here or click on the image below. Give it a whirl and then come back and tell me what you think.
[Disclaimer: No dogs were injured in the making of this film, mostly due to the fact that there wasn't a single dog involved in the making of this film. This post was created based entirely on the usage of the word "dog," not on the presence of any. My apologies.]
12/15/08
Snuzz Factor: +16
There was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, ‘Hey, mamacita, let’s do Weeweechu.’
‘Oh no, not now, let’s look at the moon!’ said Rosita.
‘Oh, c’mon baby, let’s you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it’s the perfect time,’ Pedro begged…
‘But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon,’ replied Rosita.
‘Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me.’
Rosita looked at Pedro and said, ‘OK, one time, we’ll do Weeweechu.’
So Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang…
‘Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.’
;-)
12/10/08
Snuzz Factor: -7
A traveling salesman came upon an old farmer sitting on his porch, next to the farmer was a pig with only one leg. The salesman was about to give his sales pitch when his curiosity got the best of him.
“Excuse me sir, but why does your pig only have one leg?” asked the salesman.
“Well sonny , I’ll tell ya. One day I was out plowing the back 40 when my tractor overturned, pinning me underneath. I was losing blood and thought I would die when that pig came running. He dug and rooted around with his nose till he got me out and he dragged me back to the house. Saved my life that pig did.”
“Wow, that’s really amazing,” said the salesman, “but I still don’t know why the pig only has one leg.”
“Well I’ll tell ya,” said the farmer. “One night me and the wife were asleep at about 3am when a fire broke out in the kitchen. Well that pig broke down the door, came into our bedroom waking us up and getting us out before the fire could get us, saved our lives that pig did!”
“Well that’s really great but why does the pig only have one leg?”
“Well sonny, when you get a pig that smart, you don’t want to eat him all at once!”
Link: [Funnypart.com] Illustration by flame’s gallery.
12/10/08
Snuzz Factor: +9
Dwight Nelson recently told a true story about the pastor of his church. He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down.
The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc.
The kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and drove away so that the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten.
That’s what he did, all the while checking his progress in the car. He then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved the car a little further forward, the rope broke. The tree went “boing!” and the kitten instantly sailed through the air and out of sight.
The pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they’d seen a little kitten. No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten.
So he prayed, “Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping,” and went on about his business.
A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one of his church members. He happened to look into her shopping cart and was amazed to see cat food.
This woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her, “Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?”
She replied, “You won’t believe this,” and then told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing.
Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom finally told her little girl, “Well, if God gives you a cat, I’ll let you keep it.”
She told the pastor, “I watched my child go out in the yard, get on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you won’t believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right in front of her.”
12/08/08
Snuzz Factor: +5
Three little pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
Pardon me for asking, said the waiter to the third little piggy, But why have you only ordered beer all evening?
Well, somebody has to go ‘Wee, wee, wee’ all the way home!
[Oh. My. Pig. Did I really just post that?]
11/19/08
Snuzz Factor: +9
Read books
Secretly drink whisky
Underwater swimming
Catch dinner
Do magic! Cats can do that, too!
Work for the KGB
Fix the plumbing
Vote in cat elections
Link: [Daily Entertainment Blog]
Snuzz Factor: +5
These very funny little messages are brought to you by Matthew Inman. Makes you think twice about all that cuteness going on in my cat’s little world.
You can see all of the images in this series here. Very funny stuff!
11/11/08
Snuzz Factor: +2
This is for all the germ-conscious folks who worry about using cold water to clean.
John went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, the next morning John’s grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.
However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, “Are these plates clean?”
His grandfather replied, “They’re as clean as cold water can get em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!”
For lunch the old man made hamburgers.
Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, “Are you sure these plates are clean?”
Without looking up the old man said, “I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don’t you fret, I don’t want to hear another word about it!”
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather’s dog started to growl, and wouldn’t let him pass.
John yelled and said, “Grandfather, your dog won’t let me get to my car!”
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted, “Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!?”
Meet Coldwater–
11/10/08
Snuzz Factor: +4
A dog sent this to me. I have not tried it yet with Tailer. I am a little skeptical. But here you have it:
How to wash a cat:
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a ‘power-wash and rinse’.
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Sincerely,
The Dog
Ed. note: This is, I do believe, a joke. Do not attempt this at home. ;-)
